Story time.

Today started out on a happy (albeit rather irritating) note. As I got dressed for work, I looked in the mirror and realized that my jeans are officially too big. I look like a clown in training. These things barely touch me. They're sagging down on my hip bones just enough that with one good tug... well, let's just hope I have some pretty undergarments on to prevent a peepshow fail.

Alright, so fast forward to lunch time. My mom decides lunch should be at the local Chinese buffet (what we affectionately call, "Chop Chop" - not sure why we call it that other than we get to do some sweet arm chopping motions when we say it). So, Chop Chop it is. Figure friendly? Eh, not so much... however, a buffet *can* be maneuvered. I was on a mission to not wreck my day. I couldn't help but take notice of the folks around me, though...

In one corner, we have a morbidly obese couple talking about how proud they are of their food choices at the buffet: zucchini (yes, fried), veggie spring rolls (yes, fried) and string beans (yes, battered and fried). Alright. Where do I begin... let's just say, it honestly pained me to see them basically killing themselves while thinking they're being good.

In another corner, we have a table full of overweight construction guys who would rather sit back and stare at anything in a skirt. Thankfully, I wasn't in a skirt. I was wearing my clown pants, remember? All I heard them say was something along the lines of, "If I put on any more weight, my wife says she'll either put me on a diet or leave me. I'm going to miss her." Yeah. That's special.

Alas, I managed to eat my steamed broccoli and brown rice (ok... and one veg spring roll...) and get out of there causing minimal damage. But I can't help but think about that obese couple and how they just don't get it. They have the ability to help themselves... but they can't seem to get out of the rut of hurting each other. Sigh.

Oh... and the 'kick in the head' moment for today: After returning to work, I discovered that my clown pants lost a button. Yeah. How do you pop off a button when the pants are too big? I have no idea... I guess I'm just that good.

Neurosis.

Neurosis: a term generally used to describe a non-psychotic mental illness which triggers feelings of distress and anxiety and impairs functioning

Hi, my name is Julie and I'm neurotic. At least, that's the only explanation for my feelings today. I woke up this morning with my heart skipping a beat, as if I'd overslept and missed something incredibly important. In reality, I woke up at 5:09 - 6 minutes before my alarm was scheduled to go off so I could get up and go to the gym per usual. On the way to the gym, I was kindly reminded that I was forcible awakened in the middle of the night due to some awesome high volume teeth grinding. Once I was at the gym, I had the attention span (and therefore, willpower) of a lab rat. Seven minutes on one machine, 5 on another... for an entire hour. Yeah. I didn't like me in the cardio area either.

By the time I got to work, my head was SWIMMING with my ridiculous to-do list: wedding planning details that *must* be hashed out by Sunday; baby shower planning for a dear old friend of mine that also *must* be completed by Sunday; work related madness that needs to be done asap; personal live randomness that still hasn't been done like cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. Basically, thanks to the fantastic visualization capabilities of my ridiculous mind, I had driven myself insane by 10:15 this morning. And I honestly looked pretty much just like this:


Now, has anything changed since yesterday that warranted this craziness that wrecked my day? No. I don't know what caused it but good grief: Julie went from zero to neurotic in 5.2281 seconds.

Even after making the decision to divide and conquer some wedding details today with my mother, my heart is still in my throat and I can't seem to get ahead of the game. What gives?! It's not like the wedding (or shower or anything else, for that matter) is this weekend. There's still plenty of time. I get that. But I can't shake this feeling that I'm simply not doing enough. Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like you've got a gazillion balls up in the air and at any possible second, you'll look away and BAM! A big ugly mess of disaster.

Whew. Okay, time to get to the list of things that made me insane today. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day...

New look & new book!

After much research and a bit of annoyance, I have finally figured out how to personalize the blog banner. What do you think? I took this picture in St. Lucia last December. Just looking at it reminds me of what a wonderful time we had on that trip. It also excites me to think of my future and the endless possibilities it has in store for me and Brett. I promise to keep wedding-related news and all the 'ewwie gooie' stuff out of this blog... but still, this banner pic makes me smile.

In other news, I made a mini goal for myself this month. I will be doing everything within my power to read one new book each month starting with - drum roll please - The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan. It's been lazily alternating between my shelf and night table for the past 6 months. It's one of those books that I *want* to read and I have every intention of reading... I just keep finding other books to read in the process. Alas, it's just me and Pollan now. I'll let you know how it goes by July 31st.

Anybody reading anything good lately? I'm always up for recommendations. Comment away!

Path toward Greatness

Do you ever feel like you're meant to do something great... but whatever that 'something great' is, you're just not doing it? I'm back in that zone again. (This would be the second time in my life.) The first time I felt this way, I was trying to decide between law school and business school. Either decision meant I was out of my rut and onto what I could (at the time) only consider greatness. I had this preconceived notion that regardless of the school path I chose, I was headed toward 'it.' I'd never have another care in the world. HA! Cute, right?

Alas, fast forward 4+ years and here I am again. Except this time, I'm more intelligent, more mature, more grounded and less likely to get it wrong. (I am all of these things now, right?) Combine this with my insatiable desire to be creative and what we have here is a lethal combination of anxiety and inability to concentrate at work each day. And to be quite honest, it's getting annoying.

Fortunately, I've put together a master plan to satisfy my lack of 'greatness' or whatever the heck it is. I'm excited to jump in head first. My inability to pull the trigger, be damned. Who's to say now's the right time? Who's to say it'll EVER be the right time? I believe the world is full of people who walk around everyday thinking, "What if...." to themselves because they, too, never pulled the trigger. It's sad, if you think about it. There are so few people out there who truly feel fulfilled and HAPPY with their lives. I plan on being one of those few.

Nagging Opportunity?

For more than 3 years, I've had this nagging feeling that I'm supposed to (nicely stated) tell corporate America where to stick it and start my own business. The idea of taking on such a venture excites me to no end. I suppose having an entrepreneurial father with a successful business has a LOT to do with it... but I've also seen what it has done to him (and our family). It's not all fun and games. In fact, it's a lot of MISSED fun and games. My dad spent most of my childhood working. He missed all the softball/basketball games, dance/piano recitals, etc. and we rarely ever went on a true family vacation. Do I resent any of this? No. I understand it now. However... it makes me appreciate the entire experience a lot more. I know I want to try to do things differently with my hypothetical family someday.

All that said, I know I have what it takes to start and run my potential business. The problem is, I have this problem with pulling the trigger on it and getting started. For some reason, nothing I want to 'do' is deemed 'good enough' in my mind. I have been blessed (and cursed) with this ever-questioning mind. When I find the pros of a situation, I instantly look for the cons. I need the full story. I suppose I can thank (and curse) business school for that. And while it's definitely a good thing to see things from more than one side, it makes it quite difficult to say, "To hell with it!" and jump into a business start-up head first.

Alas, I am itching and ready to start my own story. I've been fortunate enough to see my dad in action my entire life. It's my turn now. I want to do something that I can truly be proud of and at the end of the day say, "Yup, I did that. And the world - and my family - is better off for it."

Now... if only I can nail down an idea and run with it.